When Loved Ones Die, Let Them Go – September 20, 2019

NOTE: I mean no disrespect for those who have suffered divorce or the death of a close loved one.

I recently came across an article where somebody has been holding onto their husband’s ashes for 7+ years. He asked for her to scatter his ashes over some of his favorite spots. She hasn’t done it and from what she said, has no plans to do so. She thinks that if she does so, then he is really gone. I am not trying to be harsh, but he is really gone. The sooner one accepts it, the easier and better it will be for the individual.

When my father died unexpectedly at a fairly young age, I had trouble accepting he was dead. One day, I realized that I was stuck in a rut and I needed to get out of the rut sooner than later.

She later remarried and her new new husband is curious as to when she will do something with the ashes. Jn my opinion, she needs to let go of his ashes or she is going to cause problems with her living husband and any future relationships once they get divorced. He is playing second fiddle to a dead guy. In a divorce or death situation, playing second fiddle to an earlier spouse rarely turns out well for the person who finds themselves in this position. I understand some will say she needs time to grieve. There reaches a point in one’s grief when you need to move on. If you don’t, it’s unhealthy for you.

I lost both parents, my father when I wasn’t too old, as well as been through two divorces. I have close friends who have lost spouses. One of my best friends lost his first wife when she was in her 30s due to cancer. He grieved for a while, but moved on as he understood that life goes on. He’s remarried and has been for over 30 years.

Seen cases in both divorces and deaths where the one spouse doesn’t let go of the earlier relationship to the detriment of any future relationships.