I am going to start this with what may sound like a weird preface. You are 100% in control of your happiness. I realize some educated “experts” claim you are only in control of 40% of your happiness. That’s nonsense. You decide how happy or unhappy you want to be. There are those who love to control your emotions, family, ex-significant others, and close friends are often the worst offenders. No matter how much someone does to bring you down, they can only do it if you give them control of your happiness. Personally, I do my best to avoid giving others control of my emotions. I have known people dying of conditions that should make them unhappy, but some of them maintain high levels of happiness throughout the time they have remaining.
I belong to some relationship groups on social media. Yet again, someone is wanting to control their ex-spouse’s emotions. This comes from both men and women across the various groups. They usually don’t put in such blunt terms, but it goes something like this; the words vary, but the sentiment is the same:
My ex or soon-to-be-ex (stbx) is happy, I’m not, it’s so unfair they are happy.
First, just because they appear to be happy doesn’t mean they are happy. Having worked for several mental health agencies and volunteered for a couple, often the people who put on the bravest and happiest faces are the ones going through deep depression and unhappiness. I am not saying all who put on a happy face fall in this category as I know many people who can’t fake happiness in a believable way. I also seen people who are happy when they are doing their best to make others miserable. Had numerous co-workers who relished trying to bring people down. They were miserable and they wanted others to be in the same boat.
Next, you can’t control someone else’s emotions unless they are unwise enough to give you control. Best not to give people control of your emotions as it rarely turns out great for you.
I try to do at least one positive thing every day. I suffer from bipolar depression so I am very familiar with the depression side. What’s helped me as much, if not more. than medicine in controlling the depression is doing positive things. Trust me, it’s rarely easy if I am in the depths of a severe depression. Some days getting out of bed is hard. On the plus side, if I stay in bed (technically a futon) too long is my back kicks in and forces me to get up. The back pain overrides the depression. I don’t like the back pain in general, but at times like this, it’s a blessing. Never thought I would say that, but it’s true.